I was sexually assaulted from ages 7-14 by my babysitter, and I reported it. I've been diagnosed with Clinical Depression, PTSD, Sleep Disorders, and Anorexia not that I restrict myself from eating but that I actually feel no hunger because of the amount of stress and numbness I feel.
I can't ever sleep well. I'll either sleep a full 6 hours, max, but sleep as if I'm awake looking around my room making sure no one is there. or I won't be able to fall asleep until 2-3 hours before I have to wake up. I also have a lot of night terrors that usually end with me waking up screaming. When I can't wake up I'm assaulted again.
I have flash backs at least twice everyday and now I'm starting to see and experience things that don't really happen and when I'm awake.
I'll look at a razor and see myself pick it up and cut down my arm until I "feel" the pain but I'll snap back into reality to see myself still just staring at it.
Stress that continuously builds up over time, rarely ever going away, usually brings me to my knees in an aching sort of pain. All these things are building and stacking up on top of each other making me just want to die, to escape, to be free. I feel like everyday is now a burden to get up for, and everyday I have to step out of a class to sleep, talk to my school counselor, and/or breathe.
After my former therapist diagnosed my conditions she started to make me feel worse and suicidal. I've stopped therapy and my anti-depressants. The only thing that makes me "happy" is my medication for my ADHD.
I'm at the moment about to give therapy another go because I'm beginning to feel severely in danger of hurting myself. But I'm scared to find out that I have any more conditions. I fear that I may break if anymore are "stacked" on top of me, is that possible? Have I officially lost my sanity? Should I be hospitalized?
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